*credit to source

To go or not to go

*credit to source

I just rejected my exchange offer to Europe, less than an hour ago.

I must say, I haven't been faced with such a tough decision in awhile. Felt like I just went through a rough patch even though it only involves one decision to make. To go or not to go.

What an irony really. Just a few weeks ago I was praying so hard I'll get my Europe exchange. Yet when I got the offer, I wished I hadn't. Life really does love to poke fun at us isn't it. I wish the decision could be as simple as either accept or reject. It's not. Parent's concerns, cost of living, company, weather... so many factors to consider.

Did the weighing of my options and immediately felt more confused. It almost seemed as though the number of reasons I should go for the exchange have balanced the number of reasons why I should not go. It felt like I got stuck deeper in the rut just thinking about it. It's like I'm fighting a battle with all my inner thoughts running wild at the same time. Haven't felt like expressing myself with a :( in a long time.

I don't know if I've made the right choice by giving it up, since it's the last spring exchange I could apply for. I'm not even sure whether there is a right or wrong choice. I guess if I'd really wanted to go for this, I would have accepted without much thoughts. The fact that I was upset for the past couple of days probably imply that there's something inside me that's holding me back. Truthfully, I'm fine with going or not going. Maybe I should have been more courageous instead of feeling apprehensive about the uncertainties. Maybe I'm stupid for giving this up... Whatever it is, I just hope I will never regret this decision down the road.