A new beginning

Hello, corporate world.
Finally signed and had my fate sealed in the contract. It was a good two months of unemployment and bumming around, being free like a bird after my last academic exams and having the liberty of time to chill and spend quality time with myself, family and friends. There was a slight regret of not being able to go on a "graduation trip" like everyone else, despite already having my fair share of traveling and fun during exchange. Then again, I knew that if I were to go for a short trip, I would probably be worrying about getting employed at the back of my mind, which would defeat the purpose of traveling!

Anyway, I can never be more grateful that this job search has come to an end. The anxiety and frustration of not getting any calls for interviews after sending in countless applications is something I wouldn't want to experience anytime soon again. The job hunting process has taught me one thing: It's damn important to have the right contacts to tap into. Onto a more positive outlook, I'm ready and looking forward to my first day of work at my first job next week! Cheers to pencil skirts, high heels and anything that spells c-o-r-p-o-r-a-t-e!

End of academic life

Contrary to the rest of my peers who felt nostalgic or even a tinge of sadness to part with their academic life or experience, I was pretty much neutral from saying goodbye to my 16 years of education journey. It wasn't that the feeling of graduating hasn't sunk in yet, it was just ... nothing. When my last exam paper was handed in, there was no exceptional exhilaration or sadness. Probably just a rush of relief that I'm finally done and over with the education system.

It's no longer a secret that I only have regrets for my education journey. Of not being smart enough, of not being hardworking enough, and of being average. Despite not being able to fit in, I'm still thankful for all the opportunities given to me. Nevertheless, it has all come to an end. That said, as with the harsh reality of working life, I do pray I can accomplish something bigger, something better!

Home Sweet Home

5 months of traveling, independence and freedom, I must say it was a tough emotional struggle when it's time to pack up and go home. I know there was little opportunity to have the luxury to travel around the globe like this again. It was truly a one in a lifetime experience. Nevertheless, I also know how dearly I was missed by my parents, and there's of course the responsibility of going back to school (after skipping two weeks of classes).

Yet, whatever (little) anticipation I had of going back to this sunny island was dismissed when my luggage didn't appear at the airport conveyor belt when I touched down in Singapore. From jokingly laughing at myself that my luggage must be too heavy, to impatiently shifting the weight of my feet, to cursing and swearing silently, to desperate moments of praying, to ... despair.



ALL the 5 months worth of memories containing my Europe travels were gone. To me, it's not about those tangible belongings like my DSLR camera and handphone (which I stupidly left in my luggage in order to squeeze more things into my hand carry). Rather, it's souvenirs for my family and friends, little momentos I got for myself and ALL THE PHOTOGRAPHS IN THE MEMORY CARD. How could I ever be compensated for that, even if I file for insurance claims? I was so looking forward to seeing the happy expressions on my friends' faces on receiving their souvenirs, but no, that's not gonna happen already. It certainly didn't help that my parents chided me for being "careless". Felt like I was blamed for something that wasn't entirely my fault, no?

/update So I got my luggage back intact after a day's delay - it was sadly being left behind in Shanghai when I transited there. Thanks to everyone who showed much concern, encouragement and gave me hope when I was at the brink of giving up!

Farewell

12 weeks of internship, finally over!

It was an unexpected surprise, to be able to make my first baby step into a bank. Being my penultimate year, this year's internship application was way more competitive than that of last year's. While I had gotten my internship offer by March last year, this year's application process left me feeling disheartened and bleak. To be able to get this internship, I really got to count my blessings for it.

To be honest, as much as I wanted to, this internship wasn't a steep learning curve for me, but I have learnt that not all bank positions are glamourous and work-life balance is REALLY important (at least to me). As always, it was the people whom made work more bearable. 12 weeks, when you think about it, is really pretty long. That constitutes to a quarter of a year! And the fact that I'm going on exchange two weeks after my internship made the counting down process even more torturous. Yet, even though I was the only intern left in my department after the 8th week, I am really thankful for the group of fresh graduates colleagues who made me look forward to lunch everyday despite going to the same place and eating the same few dishes over and over again, as well as to laugh myself silly at the screen while IM-ing them in our conference chats. They know interns like me come and go, but they still put heart in making my internship a better experience. Aww!

Peektures of the other interns in other departments! A pity we didn't have the opportunity to know each other better since we were all working in different departments. I think we would be a fun group together!


Our second internship together!

Giving thanks

*credit to source

Things couldn't get any better now. I've got my exchange and internship by grace- despite everything, I did get what I prayed for in the end. :) Never felt so blessed!

Gonna do a shoutout here to everyone since if you're still reading this space, you must have cared to a certain extent. Thanks everyone! Whether you've been physically there for me or giving me moral support or just saying a lil prayer, thank you for bearing the antagonizing wait with me all these while!

Milan, Italy

It has been a long, torturous wait. And an emotional roller-coaster ride.

In fact just yesterday, less than 24 hours ago, I had a strong inkling that the email would come. I thought the intuition felt pretty strong. But as the clock ticked past 6 in the evening and signalled after office hours, I knew I was disappointed again.

I even thought to myself, maybe all these waiting and agony isn't going to be worth it. Maybe I shouldn't be giving myself pep talks and ignoring the sinking feeling I've been feeling all these while. It's not like I don't know how few placements there are in the second round. I felt like a big fool, waking up everyday to check my mail religiously and have my phone 24/7 by my side so that I won't miss any calls. And as weeks passed, the status still remain questionable.

And then the email came today when I least expected it.

Milan, my first choice
*credit to source
What a miracle. Thank You :)

*credit to source

Last night was.. terrible.

A part of me was clinging on to some hope. Yet while I desperately fished for any kind of affirmation from everyone, another part of me already knew the outcome. When the final verdict came, I did feel my heart sank but that moment was not too hard to bear.

Because it all just seemed too familiar.

It actually felt like another routine.

Disappointments after disappointments. I'm torn, I'm worn out, I'm helpless already. I don't know how much more of these rejections I could handle anymore. Can I not be the one to pick up broken pieces anymore?

I need everything to stop crumbling. I need a miracle.

And maybe.. I need a hug.

Goodbye 2009

*credit to source

Looking back 2009 in retrospect, it almost seemed like 2009 was a rather forgettable year, despite an entire year of 21st birthday parties and celebrations. Of course, I am still thankful for the people who are still in my life, people who recently entered my life and made the year more bearable, and certain events which made me learn and grow. Yet, there was just something inside me that wanted more- something else and something different.

Since it was the year that marked my independence as well as my route to adulthood and responsibility, I would say I did set out to make 2009 a positive bang. I don't want to be just a common face. I tried to improve, change, give myself pep talks, but sadly it wasn't any different. I should know by now that with expectations come disappointments and some things are perhaps simply beyond my control. However, like what a friend said, as we grow older, years just keep rolling and we cannot segment them anymore. We shouldn't keep ourselves on our toes all the time and try to accomplish everything within a year's span. So come 2010, I am going to quit setting resolutions and pray only for a better year. It's going to be an important and exciting year for me, and I know it. :)

Happy new year everyone, have a blessed year ahead!

*credit to source

To go or not to go

*credit to source

I just rejected my exchange offer to Europe, less than an hour ago.

I must say, I haven't been faced with such a tough decision in awhile. Felt like I just went through a rough patch even though it only involves one decision to make. To go or not to go.

What an irony really. Just a few weeks ago I was praying so hard I'll get my Europe exchange. Yet when I got the offer, I wished I hadn't. Life really does love to poke fun at us isn't it. I wish the decision could be as simple as either accept or reject. It's not. Parent's concerns, cost of living, company, weather... so many factors to consider.

Did the weighing of my options and immediately felt more confused. It almost seemed as though the number of reasons I should go for the exchange have balanced the number of reasons why I should not go. It felt like I got stuck deeper in the rut just thinking about it. It's like I'm fighting a battle with all my inner thoughts running wild at the same time. Haven't felt like expressing myself with a :( in a long time.

I don't know if I've made the right choice by giving it up, since it's the last spring exchange I could apply for. I'm not even sure whether there is a right or wrong choice. I guess if I'd really wanted to go for this, I would have accepted without much thoughts. The fact that I was upset for the past couple of days probably imply that there's something inside me that's holding me back. Truthfully, I'm fine with going or not going. Maybe I should have been more courageous instead of feeling apprehensive about the uncertainties. Maybe I'm stupid for giving this up... Whatever it is, I just hope I will never regret this decision down the road.

Of hellos and goodbyes

Internship has finally come to an end, with mixed and lingering feelings.

As much as I was counting down to my last day of internship, I know I'll miss my fellow interns in the days to come. It was a good 11 weeks of friendship and bonding. The friendships forged, the exchange of perspectives across universities and all the fun times we shared, have certainly contributed greatly to making my internship a memorable one.

For now, it's a short two weeks before school commences. Strangely, the past 4 months of summer break felt way shorter as compared to the previous one. I almost didn't expect myself to be able to get away from the city with my internship and the H1N1 virus still spreading but yes, I'm going on a short holiday! Summer's still good to me :) Till I come back!

*credit to source

First week of internship went fine. So far, so good.

As bizarre as it sounds, work's tiring even though all I did this week was being introduced to the operations of the department and had some trainings. I guess the first takeaway from the internship would be to have a healthy lifestyle again - sleep before midnight and have my meals on time! Hawker food around the area is really good.

It's a small world indeed, everyone's practically either first degree or second degree friends in some way or another. On top of our common friends, majority of the interns are girls, hence we're pretty much on a comfortable level. That's a good start to working together and experiencing the same shit for 10 weeks :) Something interesting: for the first two days I hung out with the NUS girls, and when I finally initiated a conversation with the SMU girls, the NUS girls actually asked whether I did an exchange in SMU before, because I sounded so familiar with the happenings of SMU. And the confusion didn't end there! When i told them I'm indeed from SMU, they let out shocked and puzzled faces because they were certain they "saw me in lectures". as much as I hate to think I have a common face, I shall think of it as the ability of fit into different groups ^^;

I just wished I could be assigned to more demanding assignments. Afterall, everyone wants to make the best out of their internships.

1 down, 9 more to go!

Re-play

If you were given a chance to re-live your life, how would it be any different?

Some people wouldn't change anything. They say it is because of those experiences, good or bad, that shaped them to become who they are now. Some people live through a bed of roses, so inevitably they wouldn't want to give up or part with the possessions they are blessed with. Some people live through a life in slums and which most people would find a misery, yet they are contented and satisfied with the bare minimum.

I guess some or most would have already known or easily guess that for me, my greatest regret, apart from quitting piano, is probably my education route. If by any means there's a time machine or a rewind button, I would probably re-take o levels, get into my ideal junior college, and finally my ideal university. If that's too much to ask, I would just want to re-do my university years, start anew, and as cynical as it probably sounds, do it the EXPECTED way, the RIGHT way, instead of fumbling my way through and reassuring myself it is part of the 'experience'.

Then again, this is life, isn't it? I'll most likely experience more and bigger setbacks in the future and when I think back, I'll probably laugh myself silly for treating these little nitty gritty like a setback. Life is not just about THE piece of paper, yet no one can deny that it is an important piece of paper. Different people have different expectations yes, but when the world's becoming an elitism world, it sucks to be mediocre.

Who knows, perhaps if I am really given the chance to change my life, things would still end up the same. Would I feel even more terrible, after knowing that I've slipped the opportunity for the second time?

Prologue

Hello!

For self starters, de-clara-tion is created because it contains my name (go figure ;P),
and the word declaration defines the act of declaring,
for which i would like to see my blog as a declaration of things and people i love.

I am inspired to fill this blog with snippets of life's simple pleasures through my eyes - be it about my traveling adventures, food trails or simply random thoughts - and share it with a greater audience in the blogosphere :)

So watch this space and show some ♡ ! Enjoy reading!