Milan, Italy

It has been a long, torturous wait. And an emotional roller-coaster ride.

In fact just yesterday, less than 24 hours ago, I had a strong inkling that the email would come. I thought the intuition felt pretty strong. But as the clock ticked past 6 in the evening and signalled after office hours, I knew I was disappointed again.

I even thought to myself, maybe all these waiting and agony isn't going to be worth it. Maybe I shouldn't be giving myself pep talks and ignoring the sinking feeling I've been feeling all these while. It's not like I don't know how few placements there are in the second round. I felt like a big fool, waking up everyday to check my mail religiously and have my phone 24/7 by my side so that I won't miss any calls. And as weeks passed, the status still remain questionable.

And then the email came today when I least expected it.

Milan, my first choice
*credit to source
What a miracle. Thank You :)

*credit to source

Last night was.. terrible.

A part of me was clinging on to some hope. Yet while I desperately fished for any kind of affirmation from everyone, another part of me already knew the outcome. When the final verdict came, I did feel my heart sank but that moment was not too hard to bear.

Because it all just seemed too familiar.

It actually felt like another routine.

Disappointments after disappointments. I'm torn, I'm worn out, I'm helpless already. I don't know how much more of these rejections I could handle anymore. Can I not be the one to pick up broken pieces anymore?

I need everything to stop crumbling. I need a miracle.

And maybe.. I need a hug.